A home office space that makes me feel I am doing “enough.”
My productivity is influenced by my mood, my mindset, and my physical environment. I can fully own this now. Back in the day, I tried to “push through” any and all emotional, mental, or environmental experiences that “got in the way” of my goals. It was harmful.
Now, I pay attention to how I am being affected by internal and external factors and do my best to minimize harmful experiences. This looks different for each phase of my life / work.
Recently, I challenged myself to create a workspace that makes me feel like I am doing enough.
Let me explain.
I find myself skipping over moments of achievement and instead moving on to the next to — do list. I have a running list of reasons why I didn’t “do enough,” and I just keep adding to it. Because for everything I succeed at, I think I “could” have done more.
This is particularly harmful because I live with a mental health disorder. No one benefits from constantly telling themselves they should have done more. But for those of us with chronic trauma backgrounds and lingering mental health concerns…it can feel even more shameful to not be productive in a society that values productivity above all else. We can tell ourselves that the reason we aren’t “doing enough” must be because we are not “healed enough,” and that makes us feel ashamed. We can tell ourselves we’re probably not “healed enough” because we’re not “doing enough.” It’s a vicious cycle.
And the marker for “enoughness” always moves, doesn’t it?
So, I challenged myself to create a workspace I could walk into and feel a sense of closure without even starting any work.
I thought about this for several weeks and tried a few things.
I started by rearranging some wall art. Prior to this experiment, I had intentionally hung things like an unfinished puzzle a friend and I turned into a modern art project (because we failed to finish it). Until now, I found the puzzle reassuring. It reminds me that failure is okay and can open the door for other creative solutions. I love the puzzle. But the puzzle doesn’t give me the sense of closure that I want right now. So I moved it to another room.
Instead, I hung up a large, framed, poster from my 2018 premiere of my original show Isabel and the Runaway Train. It’s signed by all the cast members. It reminds me of a time that I truly finished something.
I swapped out the puzzle for a signed poster from my original musical Isabel and the Runaway Train. I also put one of the most iconic set pieces from the show in my office. It gives me a sense of closure.
Next, I added a cute black futon. The futon gives me a comfortable place to sit when I need to write, reflect or discuss a project. It also, being a futon, can very rebelliously become a place I could take nap. Is it the most comfortable napping place? Absolutely not, it’s a futon. But I took one nap there and felt super rebellious for resting in my workspace and now I feel much more confident because I have that option.
Above all, what helped me to feel a sense of closure was committing to having some sort of clean, flat surface to look at. This does not come naturally. I like to say that I am a “tabler.” I turn any flat surface into a table. My kitchen table is full of random things I left there, and every surface that is not my table…well, when I get to “tabling,” it’s just ruined.
It is too much pressure to expect myself to keep ALL the flat surfaces clear. Realistically, I can’t even keep one surface entirely clear. It’s just not who I am. But I can commit to giving myself more clear, flat surfaces than I usually do.
I have tried this out for a few weeks, and it is helping! Walking into my office at the start of the workday, I can look around and feel myself settle into my body. I am able to have a mindset of choosing to do the next thing instead of feeling like I am not enough.
What about you?
How do you curate a workspace for yourself?
Anna Westbrook
AnnaWestbrook.com
IsabelandtheRunawayTrain.org