Sometimes when I’m writing I forget to breathe.
Do you ever do that? Not with writing, necessarily, but with something else. Do you ever find yourself realizing that you’ve been holding your breath and you didn’t even notice?
To my understanding, this is a stress response; which is ironic because intentional breathing is actually how we can control and lower stress.
How do I feel when I am writing? Energized, safe, powerful,
…and lonely.
Right now it’s lonely.
I wrote a lot today. I am producing a show in April 2022 and we are releasing the event link in the near future. So I spent time in the draft page of the event digging into my subconscious for the next best way to describe this work that I have been dedicated to for years. Writing is rewriting and rewriting is…it just keeps happening.
But let me tell you, what I wrote was beautiful. I love those words and am eager to share them with you when the time is right.
So that was ONE style of writing I accomplished today.
Writing is highly imaginative, and in more ways than you might think. When my writing is most powerful, it is because I can see my audience in my mind’s eye. I imagine people who might want to come see my work, and then I imagine the words that would help them imagine THEMSELVES seeing my work. I image people imagining and then I write the words that can connect their imagination with my plan for…reality? Let’s go with reality.
Reflecting on this is another style of writing in and of itself.
It doesn’t stop there. Today I wrote emails about potential sponsorship collaborations, I coordinated the logistics of my upcoming vacation via long back and forth text conversations, and I wrote notes in a notebook during meetings.
Then — and this one was unplanned- I wrote a description of an adaptation of my #metoo support curriculum that could be delivered by afterschool leaders. Why? Because someone told me that someone they know is going to a meeting with someone else who might BENEFIT from that adaptation. I imagined that meeting. I imagined those people. I wrote the words that will help them have a good meeting. Words to help them feel happy and excited about my work. Words to let them know I am here.
And I am here.
Sitting in my apartment.
Alone.
Sometimes writing feels so much like playing pretend that stopping writing feels like coming back to reality.
And it’s jarring.
I guess it feels like coming up for air.
It is time to close out the day. It is time to be intentional. It is time to ground myself with the techniques I’ve learned from my therapist and peers who pursue their own wellness. Most importantly, it’s time to find some human connection. Luckily, I have a partner who, when I write myself into a corner, will be awake and feel like talking at 12:41 a.m. on a Thursday.
I am breathing. I hope you are, too.
Anna Westbrook
AnnaWestbrook.com
IsabelandtheRunawayTrain.org